The last IVF update I gave you all was walking you through what it was like for my 4th egg retrieval and prep for transfer. I shared what that day looked like, how I prepped, etc.
In a previous IVF blog, I shared that I asked my doctor to do an ERA before any of our next transfers. The update on that: he wasn’t a fan. He read some recent studies that really didn’t give him a lot of confidence for it to be helpful in my case. The same thing with intralipid infusions – so he advised against it. I wanted to update that as in a previous blog we sort of thought we would be going that route.
Our 4th egg retrieval was our worst outcome yet.
This journey is a whiplash situation. Good results aren’t guaranteed. You walk into procedure days blind, having no idea what’s actually happening on the inside of your body – and even more, what’s happening inside each of those eggs & then embryos.
Follicle count doesn’t mean eggs are inside.
Eggs retrieved don’t mean they are mature.
Mature eggs don’t always fertilize.
Fertilized eggs don’t always develop.
And… blastocyst embryos aren’t always genetically normal.
My 4th egg retrieval on an antagonist protocol:
9 eggs retrieved
9 eggs mature
6 fertilized into 2-cell embryos
By the 5-day check-in, all embryos were behind. Two of them were close. One was a little further off but the embryologist was hopeful that the two 8-cell embryos would catch up at day 6 so they could be frozen & go to testing.
Day 6 my phone rang.
My heart sank. As usual, knowing I’m seconds away from either really great and rewarding news or devastating news.
… worst case scenario was final, just like that.
“I’m sorry but none of the embryos made it this time.”
Devastating.
It is so hard not to play that game with yourself about what you wish you hadn’t done. Hindsight is always crystal clear, isn’t it!? Of COURSE, I wish we hadn’t spent over $18,000 on a failed IVF cycle – literally nothing to “show” from it. Of COURSE, I wish that all the sacrifices, the dedication of time & energy put towards that last IVF would have ended in a successful outcome.
But, we can’t do that to ourselves. We make decisions with the information we have at the time, and with the advice of our medical teams, and we have to trust that there is a reason for that – even if the outcome is completely devastating. Whew, it’s still hard to reflect on.
With the news of this failed cycle we quite literally only had two options.
- Go forward with another egg retrieval to try and get more healthy embryos on board.
- Go forward with the transfer of the healthy embryo we got from our IVF cycle in the FALL of 2021 [the Lupron flare protocol]
For us, we knew the stats. Usually THREE genetically normal embryos = ONE live birth. But we only had one.
The other update in all of this: we had ONE frozen embryo left from Roux’s IVF cycle back in 2016. Back then, we were not advised to genetically test so those embryos were stored for many years – not knowing for sure if they were healthy or not. I transferred 2 of them in MARCH of 2021 and neither of those embryos stuck, no pregnancy.
So, we were not very optimistic about transferring this last frozen embryo from 2016. [they usually transfer the better-looking embryos first, so since this was the last little embryo, we knew chances were high that it was abnormal]. Our plan was to thaw this 2016 embryo and send it for generic testing with whatever embryos we tested from the 4th egg retrieval results. When we had ZERO embryos from this 4th round – we decided to pay and have this 2016 embryo thawed and tested on its own. We didn’t feel comfortable discarding or transferring this embryo before knowing its genetic makeup.
We set everything up for testing, and then this little embryo did not survive the thaw. Ugh. IVF is heartbreaking. This means the embryo was not healthy enough to survive the thawing process – meaning it would not have resulted in a healthy pregnancy or any pregnancy. I didn’t prepare myself for that. I prepared myself for abnormal genetics – but not a failed thaw. Here we were paying to store this embryo and the others every single month for YEARS – just to have all of them fizzle.
We felt confident that this 4th retrieval would be our last retrieval. We have been in IVF mode for a long time & we were ready to move on.
That meant – we were choosing to move forward with the transfer of our ONE genetically healthy embryo we had on ice.
A few weeks after our failed egg retrieval we began prepping for the embryo transfer with estrogen medication & eventually progesterone injections. I continued with acupuncture, all my supplements, and all the other fertility guidelines I’ve followed for what feels like forever now.
In my previous transfer prep protocols – we saw that the lining of my uterus required a higher dose of estrogen to thicken the way we want it to before the transfer [so that it is favorable to receive the embryo]. With this in mind, my clinic started me on a higher dose of estrogen from the beginning.
I started with 3mg of estrogen three times a day.
My body really struggled to adjust to the meds. I had daily headaches and nausea. Eventually, I turned a corner and got used to it so it was more manageable. I began going into the clinic for ultrasounds and bloodwork so they could monitor estrogen levels & measure the lining of my uterus. My body responded well this time to this dose.
About a week before my transfer date – we started on daily Progesterone injections. If you’re new to these, this is the big needle – straight into the muscle. I filmed every injection and put it on my IG IVF highlights – if you’re interested in that. [I filmed all injections for ovarian stimulation phases too!]
I always like to remind people that I am a former nurse – and I think that’s why I was so comfortable with doing my injections myself. PLUS, with my first IVF round in 2016, my husband was still on active duty & was gone a lot – so I had no choice back then.
Just before the transfer, we ended up taking a little road trip from Florida to Georgia with some friends and it was the perfect PRE embryo transfer getaway. We laughed, hiked, rested, ate great food, and just spent time together. It really was the best.
Loren and I ended up driving home earlier than everyone else because my embryo transfer was scheduled!
I felt very ready. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually – just ready.
The transfer itself is super simple.
You show up with a FULL BLADDER so that positioning of the embryo in your uterus [with ultrasound guidance] is easier. The full bladder is the hardest part – because you REALLY have to pee.
My clinic was still under COVID protocols so I had to do another transfer without Loren there – he had to wait in the parking lot. Wrong on so many levels – but anywho!
We did 3 back to back egg retrievals in 2021. Summer. Fall. Winter.
Between all three egg retrievals, we had 29 eggs.
At the end of all the IVF milestones stops it all came down to ONE genetically normal embryo – which came from our fall cycle.
That is the little embryo we transferred.
That little embryo survived the thaw and was placed perfectly into my receptive uterus. The process is so quick. The procedure room is attached to a separate room where the embryologist is. They have the embryo from the lab, place it on the microscope, zoom in a million times, and put our embryo on the TV screen that was in the procedure room. Here they are just confirming the correct embryo is being transferred to the right person. After the transfer, the embryologist takes the tube that the embryo was in and basically flushes it, inspects the liquid, and makes sure the embryo didn’t stick to the side of the tube or anything weird like that… remember the embryo is teeny tiny.
The embryologist confirmed that the embryo was in fact inside my uterus. And I was now free to go! It really is that quick.
Loren and I grabbed some food on the way home, prayed for this little babe to make it, and went home to rest and watch a funny movie. My clinic doesn’t recommend a lot of bed rest or anything. Just common sense really as far as movement – nothing strenuous. So, I watched Bridesmaids and just laid low for the rest of the day.
Then starts the two-week wait.
Arguably one of the toughest parts of the IVF process.
This is the time frame after your embryo transfer but BEFORE confirmation of pregnancy with your clinic – via blood draw [called a BETA].
I’ll share what I did during my two-week wait this time around to maintain my PEACE and not drive myself crazy waiting for testing day. I had this renewed determination to spend time during the two-week wait doing things I really enjoyed – not worrying about whether or not this cycle worked and if I was pregnant.
Now, these things may not sound fun to you [haha!] but they are to me – and they are things that really bring me joy & peace. So, you find your things, ok?
SOURDOUGH JOURNEY
For TWO YEARS now, I have been wanting to start a sourdough journey. I wanted to learn the craft and skill of baking my own bread & maintaining a sourdough starter. I thought to myself, man, this is the BEST positive distraction during this time! It was always so intimidating – but I chose to dive into an online course & just spend a little bit of time each day learning.
I chose to create my own starter [instead of buying one] and so I set out on the sourdough adventure as soon as my embryo was transferred. This really was the best distractor for me. After I put Roux down to sleep and Loren was either in the shower or working late – instead of giving in to a mindless activity every evening like Netflix or Google worrying – I dove into sourdough. I researched my questions, watched others’ experiences, and worked on my own starter. When the house is quiet – that’s usually my most challenging time to keep the worrying in check. This helped a lot!
BOOK A SHOW
I wanted to go do something fun as a family that was low-key – but with high memory potential. I found a Disney On Ice show locally & bought tickets for us to attend. We had THE BEST time & we got a chance to look forward to it for a week or so during my 2-week wait. Having something fun like this on the calendar to look forward to was a super great thing for me too.
SOCIAL MEDIA
For almost ten years now, a big part of my daily JOB is social media. Part of what I do for a living is share our life online and talk about things that are happening + I pass on any value I can to others. During the two-week wait – we all know what’s happening and nothing is new. I had ZERO energy to be social in that way because I reserved ALL my energy to remain positive & at peace in this journey as I waited for results.
I had nothing new to share because I was just waiting. So, while I was still on social media for work & a little fun – I was much quieter. That was helpful for me – to just release any expectations. I didn’t want to share anything until we as a family processed whatever happened & as a family we were ready to share.
So, I chose to be a little less active on IG and FB. Also, for me – the community groups you can find all over FB for IVF are not very helpful. Most of them [not all, but most] are full of people comparing their journey to other people’s journeys. It’s full of symptom comparison, at-home test anxiety, and just a whole lot of NOT PEACE. It makes no sense to compare your IVF journey to anyone else’s. I understand that the community can be supportive and encouraging – and that’s great. But, during the 2-week wait, I didn’t find it helpful at all – so I stayed out of them.
MODIFIED WORKOUTS
I chose to remain active during the 2-week wait – mostly for my mental health! Exercise can be such a healthy outlet for stress or seasons of anxiety like the 2-week wait can be. My body already had some time to recover from ovarian stimulation – but I was still pumped full of hormones. Because of this, I modified most of my workouts. I did a lot of walking, I lifted weights for my upper body & I did a lot of spin classes at home on my spin bike. NONE of my workouts were super intense – but I moved my body & that was the goal each day.
OUTSIDE TIME
I spent time outside every single day. Now, I live in Florida & this 2-week wait was during HOT days. But I still did it. I put my feet on the grass in my backyard. We went to the beach. Went for walks. We went to the pool and took gentle boat rides. Every day I made sure I was getting outside because sunshine and nature always fills me up.
We also took a trip with a few friends of ours from our small group to the mountains. This is obviously not necessary, but the timing worked out perfectly. We road tripped to the mountains with 3 other couples & spent a long weekend hiking, sitting by the fire, resting, reading, and enjoying great food and conversations. Loren and I drove separately because we had to head home early in time for my embryo transfer procedure – but it was the perfect mix of adult friend time & husband and wife time.
NEW RECIPES
I really love cooking as an expression of my love for others. I took the time during the 2-week wait to try different recipes and cook various things for friends and family. Sometimes I would cook a new dinner for the family, other times it was a new homemade breakfast recipe I wanted to try, or sometimes a new dish to contribute to our friends’ small group bible study night. I love looking for new recipes to try, making the ingredient list, and planning the part of my day when I get to cook. It can be a lot of work – but during this 2-week wait, it was fun for me to look forward to a new recipe every other day or so.
That sort of wraps it up!! Now, of course… I watched shows & movies with my husband during the wait. But these are the things I was very intentional about – because they were a little outside of my usual routine. I made room for the new things that brought me joy in order to crowd out any long stretches of time I would have that would tempt me to just worry. I sat with my feelings and processed the worry – I think that is only natural. But I didn’t sit on the couch every night after Roux’s bedtime just worrying or obsessing over symptoms or non-symptoms. For me, that was the point, and it was great for me.
PREGNANCY TEST AND THE TWO-WEEK WAIT
I chose to do an at-home pregnancy test the night before my BETA blood draw. This is what I have done with all three of my embryo transfers & it has helped me each time. When it was GOOD news – it was really sweet to KNOW and just bask in that privately. When it was BAD news – it was really helpful for me to be SAD and DISAPPOINTED in private too.
The reason I only test the NIGHT BEFORE my beta blood draw – is because there are many reasons why a home test could be inaccurate – depending on timing & what medications were used in your protocol etc. The biggest factor for me – if I were to test at home much earlier and it was NEGATIVE – I would STILL have to do daily hormone injections and medications regardless. Mentally, that is really hard. To have to do all that – when your mind & heart believe that it didn’t work. Ugh, no. Torture.
Also, if I were to test early and it is POSITIVE – the stress of asking myself “is this s true pregnancy or maybe a chemical pregnancy” is also torture. Seeing a positive result & not having peace to be happy – is tough. At least with testing right before a BETA blood test – we have additional lab results to confirm pregnancy & continued tests in the days shortly after to continue that confirmation. An early home test also usually has people testing every day to see if the line darkens – and man, that is just ANOTHER thing to worry about unnecessarily for me.
We were so blessed to celebrate a positive home test together & then rising BETA blood draws in the days after.
SYMPTOM MANAGEMENT
The last thing I wanted to touch on was symptom management. With both my pregnancies, I had pretty similar first trimester symptoms and they started very early on.
In an IVF pregnancy, it can be difficult to navigate the symptoms because the medications we are on have side effects that mimic pregnancy! For me, the first trimester brings cramping in the early days, then a lot of nausea, body temperature changes, and fatigue. After this transfer, I had very distinct strong twinges on the right side of my pelvis – now I know this to be embryo implantation.
I am a former nurse and it is in my blood to track symptoms – so I did each day during my 2-week wait. This helped me simply be aware of what my body is doing. I had bleeding twice with this pregnancy, once with Roux. Both times – I had a subchorionic hemorrhage – and it’s terrifying, even though it’s common.
My embryo transfer was on March 15th, 2022, and I continued my hormone injections & medication until May 5th, when was 10 weeks pregnant.
I was discharged from my IVF fertility clinic’s care at about 9 weeks pregnant and established care with a midwife for a home birth as plan A.
I think this catches us up to real-time now – but of course, if I left anything out – please let me know!!
Thank you for reading and thank you to all who were so supportive during our IVF journey over all these years, and for those in the middle of it – know that you are in my prayers daily and I am always here in your corner – ROOTING for you & your family!
