Roux turned FOUR this year [ cue tears ]. Like many others, I had expectations about what becoming a mom would be like — but then there’s reality. You quickly learn there’s no linear path to motherhood. It’s the hardest, best thing I’ve ever gotten to experience.
As we continue on our second IVF journey, and with today being Mother’s Day, I have been reflecting on the past few years. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned I’ve learned along the way.
Never judge another mom.
She is likely making decisions that are in the best interest of her family based on past circumstances you know nothing about. Respect the opinions of others. Have empathy. After Roux’s seizure I made decisions differently than I ever have – and with MUCH MORE CONFIDENCE. My thought process shifted. I’m being dramatic, but, after you’ve held a 1-year-old child who is non-responsive, you simply don’t care what anyone else thinks – if you know you are making choices with your specific child in mind.
If there are little [or big] things you want to do that make you feel GOOD in your season of life – do them!
[powder bros, workout outfit subscription, lash extensions, a weekly or monthly girl’s day] Taking a small amount of time to refill your cup in any way is ALWAYS best for your whole family.
Always have children’s Tylenol + breathing medication on hand at home.
When high fevers hit or breathing gets wheezy – it’s almost always in the middle of the night + when everything is closed. On that note, always keep baby wipes, sunscreen, and an extra pair of clothes in the car.
When traveling, don’t just bring an extra change of clothes for your babe – bring yourself a simple extra shirt or leggings – something that easily fits into your bag.
I’ll never forget carrying Roux on my back in the baby-carrier while traveling. He did amazing traveling – but the diaper he was wearing leaked. All over my back. I had what I needed to clean him up & get him comfy – but mom was stuck in a pee shirt for the rest of the afternoon. Lesson learned.
Early mornings: waking up before everyone else may be a huge adjustment for you – but it also may give you the peace or quiet or brain space you crave.
I’ve learned to stay flexible and surrender control – while still making the most of the predictable parts of my day. This wasn’t possible in the new days of motherhood when sleep was so sporadic. But as we slipped into more of a routine – I quickly adjusted my bedtime so I could have a little time to myself in the early mornings – a game-changer for my mood, peace, productivity, and staying a little more organized throughout the day. Before this – I constantly felt like I was chasing the day, always trying to catch up. Now, I’m ahead of it & starting the day on my terms with a lot less chaos.
Even if you do things like baby-led-weaning and do it all “right” – you still may have a picky eater for a season.
Do what you feel is best, keep trying your best, and know that it will all work out with a little patience + consistency. They will eat what we eat – eventually. [good or bad]. Don’t underestimate the free resources out there, social media accounts, or blogs that offer lots of helpful tips when you run into little obstacles in motherhood.
You may go through a friendless season while you are in the trenches of motherhood.
We are lucky to have friends who will be there when our schedules or our energy levels are ready. But sometimes, you won’t have the friends to connect with, or the local meet-ups, or the girls’ trips. You most certainly MAY – but even if you don’t, remember that prioritizing a phone call or voice message exchange with a friend can be a huge pick-me-up.
Never underestimate the importance of water safety + your kid’s ability to learn new things.
Giving my child the gift of swim lessons, and myself the gift of swim safety – has been hands-down one of the best motherhood decisions I’ve ever made. Swim instructors are everywhere – it’s worth it!
Our children will learn about Jesus, prayer, saying ‘I’m sorry’, and making mistakes if we communicate these things with them.
Our children will see us make mistakes – what is most important is that they also see us apologize.
Don’t give empty threats.
Our kids are smarter than that. I have to follow through with what I say. If I’ve told him the consequence, I better be prepared to execute. I’ve learned how important it is to be firm – but always with love.
Being a mom has helped me to comprehend, in a deeper way, the unconditional love God has for me, and His children.
I did nothing to deserve it – and there is nothing I can do to change it. Same as my child. I will love him no matter how he behaves, no matter what he does, or says. It will never change.
I want my son to be able to communicate with me & with others in his life.
I’ve come to realize how important it is for me to tell him that I love him often, tell him what I love about him [specifically], what I think about the creative things he’s doing, why I’m disappointed in his choice, and why I’m asking him to do a certain thing. I’ve learned how important it is for me to slow down, listen to him, and really make him feel heard. It can be easy to feel impatient as my toddler is stringing together the longest sentences he’s ever thought of – but I can see how important it is to him that I stop and listen. I’ve learned to ask more questions to help him explore his thoughts.
Recognize your child is wonderfully made – just as they are.
Roux is introverted just like me. He is on the shy side in large groups. He is on the more sensitive side when it comes to his nature, just like me. I’m always thinking of ways to help him develop humble but healthy confidence – while still honoring the fact that his personality is perfect just as it is. Always learning as a mom.
The example we set is more powerful than we think. The routine we have. The language we use. All of it.
I’ll never forget the morning Roux woke up & slowly crawled out of his toddler bed saying… “Oh my goodness, my legs are sooooooo sore and my body is soooooo tired.” Because he heard me say that exact thing after my workout the day before. I died. The way we talk to each other, the way we handle chaos or accidents – it all matters. It’s that cheesy saying: values are CAUGHT not TAUGHT. I’d say habits are caught too. We don’t have to be perfect – they know we aren’t – but as a parent, it’s taught me to be mindful & has held me accountable to try my best every day.
I’m a stickler for healthy sleep habits when it comes to a child – but have learned that there is an enormous amount of beauty in special late-night family memories – usually involving ice cream or Disney.
It’s ok to have a sleep routine, it’s ok if you don’t, and it’s ok if you veer off your normal routine for the sake of memoriesssssss. At the end of the day, mom [and sometimes even daddy] knows best.
